Daily life

PMS lady on the loose

10:30 AM

And that would be...ME, yup that time of the month again!

This morning I was not the girl to brush up the wrong way. First because DH has been gone for a week now and I'm now left having to take the dog on a morning walk. And then, because walking the dog in the morning is already a drag on a normal day in India, I felt less then thrilled with PMS lurking it's nasty head.


As I said walking the dog is annoying here. Leave alone the fact that my girl drives me banana at the break of dawn. Holding her to prevent her from pulling at every dogs pet or stray she sees, and mind the aggressive stray dogs,  and pay attention to crazy school bus drivers ready to smack everything down in order to keep their tight schedule, and make sure the dog follows your lead when you nearly jump in the gutter to avoid one of those yellow monster on wheel is more than enough.
Then, there is the fact that I'm haunted about Jasmine pooping in the wrong place due to the too many insults I got in the past (including a death treat), that make me a not so happy camper. Comes PMS and I'm practically boiling up and I bet you can almost see the smoke going out of my ears just like a cartoon version of me would do.

On our walk route, there is one house with a venom spitting psychotic auntie who tend to complain every time she sees me pass in front of her house. Though most of the time that's just mumbling and growling.
This morning however, Jasmine had the incredible bad idea to sniff a blade of grass near her gate. While "Mad auntie" was out to pick up the newspaper and I got more than just a mumbling.
This time, she spoke...or rather shouted: "Get that thing away, we don't like this little business of yours here!". No please, no buts, no nothing, I got bossed around on an empty stomach on a PMS day. Just like that!

So I sternly told her "She is doing nothing at all apart from smelling the grass". The lady retaliatedby shouting: "Don't talk to me, I can see it!".

See what?

And so I asked her. To what she retorted: "Your dog is standing there she is doing something!"
Of course she was! And so my reply was: "Yeah, she is SNIFFING around" 


"Say don't play stupid, what is sniffing anyway?"said "Mad Auntie". That was past my breaking point, even on a non PMS day so I yelled back:

"Sniffing is a NORMAL NON-DIRTY dog activity, so now give me a break, and just in case you need a visual sniffing goes like this..." (Me making exaggerated sniffing sounds to support my explanation).

The psychotic Auntie blushed, and then blurted out:

"Don't tell me this non sense, I saw you, she did something here on the ground" (her pointing at the ground where nothing but soil and pebbles stand).

I this point I looked her straight in the eyes and said: "Ah ha, but look closer ma'am there is NOTHING here at all, simply because my dog did NOTHING in front of your gate!"
Mad Auntie looking infuriated smacked her forehead then pointed her fore finger at me shouting:

"Don't tell me what I saw, because I saw you, you are dirty" and me to shout even louder "

Yeah right! whatever! Now I'm getting tired of you shouting at me about invisible poops every time I pass in front of your house when there are about 10-15 other pet dog walker around! Sometimes I wonder if her real problem is my dog or the fact I am a foreigner...just saying... 


Nontheless, I  stood my ground to only see "Mad auntie" slam her door shut.

But seriously I'm tired of this non-sense! This morning I was tempted to take "poopy bags" out of the special poop bag dispenser I bought in Switzerland and put on my leash, pick up every poops in the street and knock back at her door showing my bounty to her and rub it in her face for thinking that insulting me was the way to go...that's PMS for you people! Fortunately for her, I have superhuman self control, so I didn't do it.


Now the fun part is that just a day ago I received a mail to that effect and I thought I'll share what PMS really stand for apart from that lame "Pre-Menstrual Syndrome" :

13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect

2 comments

  1. Anonymous2:04 AM

    the auntie understands english. so why don't you call her sweetly and ask "can we discuss this some place not in the street?". if she retorts reply with a "do you hate me ? " and smile. repeat this everytime she is out to get you. it will be funny and she'll stop. this has worked for me with people who pester me with out reason. if she says yeah lets discuss, invite her to your place and give her a treat and tell her that you don't appreicate her picking on you everytime and next time, you won't spare her

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good Idea, I might try that next time she hiss at me, fortunately I don't have to see her everyday as she seem to shut herself in.

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