Daughter

What having a baby does to you

3:03 PM

Well if you thought that you would resume a normal life after delivering your bundle of joy into the world, you are in for a few surprises because it seems that the labour and delivery pain not only brings a new life in this world, it seems to affect all kind of changes in you as well, so that by the end of it you aren't human anymore...nope you became super-human and here are a few things I found out about it:

- If your hearing was normal, expect it to be sharp, if it was sharp, it will be even sharper, you suddenly are granted the ability to be awaken from well deserved deep sleep by just a grunt from your baby, you can hear a poop being done, recognize when the bottle is empty just by the suckling sound your little one makes, and that is not the only sense that gets affected, expect your sense of smell to take a high as well.

- Breastfeeding in public in India is not something you can do openly without frowns, so the necessity for women around here to morph into Transformers is essential, too bad we don't turn into cool high tech cars, nope the only ability we have are to turn into giant camping tent. Ironically this is even more obvious to everybody that you are breast feeding and you can feel the people around walking on eggs, and feeling a bit un-at-ease around you. Beside if you gave breastfeeding a try you know that it would be way more interesting to turn into a high tech drink dispenser...those who've not been there yet, you'll know soon enough.

- The excruciating pain of labour brings out the bold out of you, you screamed like a possessed woman, hopefully like me you didn't curse and scare your partner too much (though you probably crushed the bones in his arms), and you found out that primal instincts resurface and inhibits your social facade, you thought it would pass? Wrong, but this change is actually cute, apparently going through labour makes you proficient in baby talk and goofiness (and your partner went through the transformation with you). You suddenly "googoo gaga" in public with ease and become immune to people looking at you funny for going through several rounds of "prrrrrrrrrrrrt bleb bleb" to entertain your fussy little bundle of cuteness, at home you suddenly find it less embarrassing to dance like a bean bag in front of your little one who obviously think you are the best dancer because she hasn't yet become a "So you think you can dance" judge.

- You suddenly realise that we aren't so much of a distant cousin of the great apes when you suddenly feel compelled to use your toes to pick up dirty diapers from the floor and in a quick swift maneuver (at least after the episiotomy cut healed) bring it to your free hand while you are holding junior in the other, and there are quite a few amazing things you can do with your legs, butt, hips, elbow, nose, chin and other body parts.

- By necessity you soon become a master at planning, and the war plan you need to elaborate before any outings would put any army general to shame. And suddenly the term "Dressed to kill" takes a whole new meaning, and if you have seen the "Pacifier" with Vin Diesel, you will suddenly think that his walking around commando style with all the baby gear strapped to his body, is barely an exaggeration, too bad you don't look as hot as him doing the act.

- In the first few weeks, it is vital to avoid mirrors, especially in public places such as elevator, because you look puffy, sleep deprived with dark circle, and look like you are even more loaded than a donkey pushing a stroller, carrying a monster diaper bag loaded with half the content of baby's drawer unit, your hair is a mess the hormones made you sweaty and that's the moment baby choose to cry for a feed, for a nappy change, making you look even worse...look at your reflexion at your own risk...be prepared for a low in self esteem though.

- You start thinking that you might be able to stand a chance in a "world biggest eater" contest with all the practice you get at swallowing your breakfast in seconds. If only your nerves have been fried in the labour process, you would be able to swallow your tea pipping hot instead of letting the cup sitting on the kitchen counter, reheating it in the microwave 3 times and swearing you'll have it down in your system before noon.

I'm sure that with the passing months I'll make more freaky discoveries about my own body and abilities, for now that's all I can come with, but don't let that freak you out, the first 2 weeks were the hardest, after that it started falling into place, and you accept the fact that parenthood does things to you, but that one look into your cutie pie's eyes will make you forget and forgive how horrendous you looked in the mirror...I promise you that.

5 comments

  1. Deepa5:45 PM

    That's a sweet post :) Cannot wwaiiiit to get there myself! I've been following your blog for a while now. And it has helped me in more than one ways. If you remember, I had checked with you on Manipal's antenatal classes. It is also interesting to get a non-Indian's perspective of things. I plan to deliver in Manipal - and have many questions to ask. If you wouldn't mind, can I drop you a personal email? or if you prefer, I can pass on my contact number and we can talk. But if you're busy/uncomfortable with either, I understand. Lemme know!

    Btw I ran into another post of yours. I was looking for a review on Mother & baby magazine and there you were, on mouthshut! I have subscribed for the mag, the first one should arrive in Sept :)

    Take care, have fun with Ishita, and keep writing!
    -Deepa

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  2. Hi Deepa,
    feel free to send me a email, I think I have it displayed on this blog somewhere. I wished I had a blog about someone's experience with Manipal hospital because I had a lot of questions myself, but all there was was Mouthshut and it wasn't all nice.

    Mother & Baby magazine is such a great one, I just had issue with the courrier guy who delivers it as my July issue never reached and the August one got bounced, but I straightened things up with the customer care they seem professional and quick into solving issues.

    I'll keep writting :-) this blog has been going for years, I'm falling into a routine with Ishita now so it will get easier to write more often.

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  3. Haha, that was good fun to read :)

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  4. I can't wait to get to that point myself someday. :) Great writing, Cyn!

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  5. Thanks for all the comments :-)

    I have a few more topics in my head, just no time to spare.

    What I need now is loosing the need to sleep altogether so that I can make the most out of a 24hr day (but should be the only one having this ability otherwise it is useless), or maybe I should find a way to type faster, or get one more set of arms so I can do more things at once.

    See my requests are simple enough LOL

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