Maid

Maid dilemma

2:12 PM

I said it before, finding a good maid in India is though, just after we shifted to Mumbai our first maid started really slacking off and we fired her at the end of August, and got a new one, who started off performing well, but i snow really starting to take a few liberties.

First she suddenly announced that for the next two months she won't be able to come at 8 but will come at 10, and on most day she doesn't show up before 10.30, this alone is irritating but I could live with it if she was not working slowlier and seriously starting to loose focus of what she was actually hired to do: Cooking, dishes, mopping the floor. 3 simple tasks that should not take her more than 2 hours but as of recently almost take her three!
The reason? She prefers taking care of Ishita, playing with her carrying her all the time and running to her whenever she starts crying. Not only it slows her down, but it also start crossing the line when it comes on how I raise MY daughter.
Because Ishi is now in that sweet stage at which toddlers start wanting independence and throw tantrums, it means a lot of crying can occur depending what I forbade her to do, and my maid is like quite a few people I've seen in India, hating seeing a child crying and will try to comfort her at all cost.
Ishita climbs on top of the computer desk to play with the monitor or try to reach the box of Swiss army knives and I say no once or twice firm but still on a normal voice, climbs a 3rd time and hear me shout NO and yank her away, throws a fit in the living room, and 5 second later I have the maid showering her with attention and cuddles trying to make the "boo boo" go away.

That I HATE because now thanks to this constant need to try to intervene in my way to raise my daughter, Ishi knows that tantrums will work with my maid and make a show of going to her crying even harder when I said no to something, and I don't have enough knowledge of hindi to actually tell her that she should leave Ishita alone and certainly not go right behind me showering Ishi with hugs when I just scolded her for doing something such as throwing stuff out of the window, playing with electrical cords and outlets, climbing on the computer or stuffing the toilet with towels, there is a time for discipline and a time for play..period.
Worse now Ishi is starting to see me and the maid as "Bad mommy, nice Bai" which is not helping one bit about raising my child into a well behaved little girl, this morning it actually started to annoy the crap out of me, and I will have to tell DH to tell the maid to stop giving in to every single whine and tears Ishi will shed in her presence or we will end up with a far bigger problem later, just last weekend I screamed at Ishi for climbing yet again on the computer, and I was met with a monumental slap from my daughter, before she struggled out of my grip to run to snuggle in my maid's saree, and my maid to console her as if I was the bad guy...seriously?

4 comments

  1. Although I don't have kids, I grew up with nannies, and I can speak of the issue you have entirely! My parents 'let go' [was how they always described it to us, but let's be real here as we're adults-they fired!] at least 2 nannies that saw us as more 'friends' than kids who they were paid to take care of. They'd lie about us doing chores, or say we practiced piano even if we didn't, and essentially, like the young politicians that all kids are, we're being bribed to say dishonest things to the parents!

    I look back and think HOW BIZARRE was that situation, but it's true--they deserted their duties when they knew that they could. I hate to say have an iron fist on the issue, but it's true. You've got to lay down the law [or have your husband do so, so that she can understand :)] that while she's great with hugs and kisses, you hired her for mops and pans.

    I hate sounding like I'm lacking compassion or stuck up about service, because that could be the furthest thing from the truth; but, when you pay someone to willingly do a job, it should be done, you know? And it should be alleviating your stress, not adding it.

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  2. Thanks I put my fist down this morning, and even though I spoke in English for the most, she seemed to understand and she put Ishi down letting her cry as long as I was in sight, but 2 minutes later whil I was in the kitchen she once again gave in to my daughter tantrum, and this time I simply snatched her out of the maid's arm.
    I hope I won't have to rinse and repeat too often though.

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  3. Aaah tell me about intrusive maids!! My situation is worse. In my case it is actually my babysitter who gives me unwanted parenting tips all the time. I am out at work all day, so my son is with her the whole time. She pretty much has complete control over how she feeds him, puts him to sleep etc. I am fine with all that, as long as he is on his booster chair while being fed.. strictly no running behind the kid with a cup and spoon, i've told her. She resisted at first, now shes ok with the idea after a lot of convincing. Thats the problem you know..I have to convince her for every decision relating to my son! For eg I am weaning him out of bottles and transtioning into sippy cups.So I instructed her NOT to use the bottle during the day, unless he is very sleepy or sick and cannot be experimented with. Its been 2 days now, and needless to say he's been giving resistance, cries and pushes the sippy cup away and wants his bottle. I told her not to give him the bottle, and she thinks I am cruel! I dont beleive in emotional parenting, I beleive in practical parenting and I know that kids CAN get pretty manipulative, they know our weakness and know how to have their way. But she doesnt get this! Same thing with potty training. She thinks it is too early to start, I think it is the right time. I hate it that I have to convince this woman for every single thing, and if she is not convinced she ensures that the plan fails simply bcos she spends more time with the child during his waking hours!! Every evening this week she's gonna tell me that he did not drink his milk, she'd say to my son so that I can hear it "oh baby, poor you...mommy wont give you the bottle?" . As if i am a heartless monster?? GRRRRR..!!! And I cant even ask her to just f*** off cos I am dependent on her and she is very good with the kid in many ways.

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  4. OMG Enigma, I would be really angry having to deal with such a lady!
    Geesh how dare she make you look like the heartless monsters for not giving bottles? Crazy!
    I'm glad you managed to make her understand that feed time is in the booster at the table, I always found this running around with the spoon and bowls insane.

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