Daily life

Brain Fog Memory

5:53 PM

These days I am in a kind of a haze, I simply struggle to function through the day, Ishita has suddenly completely changed her sleep schedule which has thrown my own completely out of whack as well.
And call me crazy if you wish, but I believe we go through cycles and one year ago exactly we were in the middle of packing and moving to where we live now, about to hit the wall and being considerably fed up with it all as my 11th August entry from last year points out. I just re-read it, and just noticed that back then I was so beat I even put the first move that started it all to July 2011 when it was in fact July 2010!
Yes I pointed it out several time but between July 2010 and August 2011 we did pack and relocate 3 times! THREE TIMES!
A year later I still remember the long waiting in our empty Bangalore flat, the last minute worries about whether we would be in our furnitures on the 13th or the 16th, trying to soothe a totally distraught toddler who just didn’t quite get what was happening…again. The take out food that didn’t look nearly as exiting as in our first move, the night spent back in Navi Mumbai in the NRI complex when we were preparing ourselves not to see our stuff for another 4 days and at the last minute had the packers and movers tell us they reached. The having just 5 minutes to see the new flat for myself before the packers and movers stormed in with the boxes, forced to make quick decisions as to what should go where, memory flashes of mountains of wrapping paper and flattened boxes invading the living room, our maid deciding to help us set the kitchen ready seeing how both DH and I could not think straight and were on the verge of collapsing. Yet another take out meal in our new place, a good one full of promise though, from a restaurant we still regularly order from, it was the meal signalling the end of the tunnel, the end of the boxes, the beginning of a new chapter in Mumbai, and simple chicken kebabs never tasted so good, if only I could even remember what the other dish was, at the most I remember it was a medium spicy chicken gravy dish…which in India can be anything. Following that unpacking stress, was the recovery phase, the longest ever, I just didn’t feel like moving around for weeks, the wall I hit on the 11th last year was a real blow to me, so wanting to cocoon myself away in my new quarters was only a normal expected reaction.
And now a year later it could be that m body and mind didn’t quite forget the stressful string of event from last year and I am having a tiny relapse.
On the other hand I also cannot believe we made it almost one full year in one place! After the mad 2010-2011 we had so full of uncertainties, how could we even be sure things would not continue going crazy? But here we are, about to complete one full year in one apartment, and it feels good.
I miss Bangalore a lot still, I still have frequent moments of urban claustrophobia where I wish I could just grab my sneakers and run away to a secluded, quiet unpopulated spot to just recharge my batteries, but to be realistic I didn’t even had that option in Bangalore, but for some reason I feel the need for it more often here in Mumbai than back there.
We didn’t like the 2 months we spent in Mumbai in 2004, we hated the 7 months we spent in Navi Mumbai, but this time around we are at least comfortable, would that be our choice to live there forever? No, honestly no. For us living here is an ‘out of necessity” thing. It’s a costly city, square feet come at a premium, space therefore a massive luxury and the minute we get the opportunity to leave it we’ll take it. But this time around we are also enjoying it better, DH likes his job which despite the long working hours and commute makes him more relaxed, we have an income that can let us enjoy the city a bit better than the first time around, and I am living in an area that has some options beside the mall, not that I necessarily seize these options regularly, but they are there, and the idea of having possibilities is good enough by me. I also stayed long enough in one place to have forged friendships with other ladies in the neighbourhood, and for the first time ever since living in India I am the one who has a bigger social circle than DH in the area. Not that I am a huge social event lady, never been, but having people around to meet and talk to and who relate to you feels very good.

And the way things are looking right now, it seems I am going to just sit back, relax and enjoy the feeling, I welcome the brain fog and laziness, it just feel great to be still in one place and not have to figure out everything out from scratch again. This time the haze is not the result of direct stress, which makes it blissful rather than daunting.

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