When Insomnia knocks at the door1:09 PM
Are you a toss n turner? Do you wake up in the middle of the night unable to go back to sleep for hours? If so, welcome to the club.
I am an insomniac, not the chronic type that dread bedtime, fortunately. I'm however regular enough at that game of let's wake up at random in the dead of night. It can happen several time a week at its peak, and still a couple of time enough in a month for me to remember what it feels like.
I've been at it for as long as I can remember. As a child, it was exciting, mostly because I was up at a time I was not supposed to. There was something mysterious and probably magical about that time in the dead of the night, and my parents never got to know I was awake. I would just peek through the gaps in the blinds, observing the stillness outside. Then lay down in bed making up stories in my mind until I fell back asleep.
And despite the fact I was starting school at 8, it was still manageable then, school wasn't very demanding until I turned 12.
The teenage years were a whole different ball game, I was chronically late to school, and finding myself struggling in every topics that were served to us before 10 am. It wasn't even that I was going late to bed at night, it is just that my body clock is incompatible with societal norms.
The early bird gets the worm must be the most ridiculous idea I ever hear. This notion that only those who get up at the break of dawn can have a life of success and triumph. Last time I checked, owls get to feast on mice all night long, who needs a worm then?
I am of that lot that can't be productive at sunrise, that doesn't mean I am lazy or unproductive. The years I had the freedom to work on my own timetable, freelancing from home were the best and most productive years of my life. Back then, bouts of insomnia did not feel so crippling. I had the freedom to work around them, sleeping a bit longer in the morning, getting about with my daily life later, and still clocking in enough work hours. Insomnia has alway felt great when the pressure to be an achiever of the dawn age was lifted.
Heck, I often gets great ideas in the dead of the night. Ideas I would not get otherwise.
Sadly, my timetable isn't too compatible with the system. And even less so with a child that despite being born from two night owls is an absolute lark. I am back to dreading these nights of light sleep again. Waking up at 2am to go back to sleep at 4-5 feels daunting. I inevitably know that I'll be up at 6 again. Against my will and better judgement, forced to act remotely productive and doing a half backed job of faking it.
This week has been a rough one when it came to sleep, and as a result, the nice planning of blog posts I had on paper pretty much went out the window. A couple of nights of no good sleep in a row left me in a zombie-like state. A state widely incompatible with creativity that left me dry.
Gone is the plan of editing pictures for coming post, out the window the home decor post I was planning to draft yesterday and post today. I turned to my personal diary full of insomnia fuelled rambling to make up for it.
One day, I might even whip up a series of tip to make these nights easier...because I do have some. All veteran light sleeper do have them, and some of them do actually work.
One of them being to take it easy during the day. So on these "wise" words, I'll take a bow and practice what I just preached.