Sentences you never thought you'd say...Ever10:10 AM
As you grow older, there are words, and expressions that creep in your vocabulary that you'd never thought would ever be a thing. Words get invented every year. And let's confess, if you like me belong to the later half of the Generation X you are the last that spent their childhood without a computer around and where the first bunch of kids who got to experience home PCs being a thing.
Yet, if we were to travel back in time and tell our 90's self about iPads, smart phones, wifi, and selfies they would think they tripped on a seriously spiked drink.
But, this is not what this blog post would be about, because we can't predict new words of the future. This post is about the joy of being a parent. A parent that find themselves uttering sentences using words that already and truly exist in the present but make no sense, or sound just plain crazy.
Sound familiar? Here are some of the sentence I personally thought I would never have uttered until I became a mom :
"Stop peeing in the potted plants!" Yes, it happened and yes it was crazy...what can I say, the joy of potty training a toddler...
"The dog is not a step stool, get off her!" This might seem pretty obvious to a grown up. To a kid? Not so much.
"Why did you smear poop all over the bathroom walls?" Don't tell anybody, I am still feigning amnesia on that particular event.
"No you can't wear pink today, there is no pink on the Indian flag" You know, because toddlers don't care about Republic day the way nursery teachers do.
"This is broccoli, not Kryptonite!" And then, you immediately realise that Superman analogies are lost on your 3 years old who only really know about Snow White's poisoned apple.
"Why is there yogurt, maggots and cat pee in your Lego box?" No comments! NONE I am still suffering from PTSD.
"No, I will not buy another teddy bear. The one you have just broke my toe" This is crazy, but yes it happened, I broke my toe tripping over a stuffed teddy, and then while trying to not loose balance got my big toe tangled in my pants before I fell with all my weight on it breaking it neatly.
"Why is the cat having blue stripes?" It could have been purple, pink, green red or yellow it would still have sound as weird.
"How did a Nutella pancake end up under the chair cushion?" The answer is clearly because the pancake stopped being appealing in the 10 minutes gap between the request and it being served on a plate. And, being made to eat it is a crime against humanity anyway.
"I hurt myself going to bed because Thomas the steam engine beat me to it" On days the kitchen spatulas, forks, spoons or a handful of Legos didn't make it to bed...always check you bed for harmful things. When you go camping it is for snakes and scorpions. When you have kids it can be just about anything short of a nuclear bomb (hopefully).
"Crayon scribbles inside the toilet bowl? If that is not creative, I don't know what is." I assure you you read that right, you really did. No I did not make it up, I swear!
These are some of the most memorable lines over the years. I assure you I speak equally crazy sentences on a daily basis. So much so that 6 years into it, they disturbingly don't sound as crazy anymore. Talking about something normal on certain days would be the thing that would be considered weird.
So what are some of the crazy things that escape your lips after becoming a parent?