A while back, I was writing about my being an introvert and proud to be, and while I’m happy being who I am, and secure in the fact that parties will never hold the same appeal to me as a book, or watching a movie at home, the world has in my past and still does consider introvert to be odd people, people that cannot be possibly happy, keeping to oneself is apparently a human defect that needs to be corrected, never mind that apparently one third of people are introvert (yes that means one out of three person).
I’ve been reminded of this this weekend as my daughter’s school was holding a parent-teacher meeting one on one. During that meeting I was handed a sheet detailing the progress Ishita made in several areas of development, her motor skills, fine and gross are all fine and heavily developed, no big surprise here, but her language skills are for the most part all rated as “in developing stage” , the teacher blame it on the fact I don’t speak English home and urged me to do so, but that would be a different topic all together, though maybe not quite. The other thing that is not yet developed are her social skills, if we go by the assessment made by the teachers.
And that one I asked to have a little clarification about.
The teachers said that Ishita was keeping to herself, and not really playing with the other kids often. Hearing this I asked if there was a reason, they claimed it was the language barrier but to me it doesn’t compute, so I asked if the other kids were mean to her, or if she was scared and shy around them, to which they replied “No she is pretty much happy and content to be on her own” to which I replied that it was ok then. But apparently no, they urged me to have her socialise more outside school by taking her to the playground and strongly encourage her to play with other kiddos as they still feel it’s the lack of English that is making her keep to herself.
By then I knew better than argue, they made up their mind, keeping to oneself is a flaw, and it needs to be corrected. or maybe I should have voiced the fact that I the mother am a notorious introvert, that yes social gathering drain energy out of me, and that without solitude on a daily basis I go neurotic, aggressive and snap at anything.
The fact remains that 30+ years later people still think kids HAVE TO interact with their peer all the time, that keeping to oneself is not a normal behaviour, never mind that the child in question is HAPPY to be in their own little world. My mom spent years trying to explain it to my own teachers, who went to all kind of lengths sometimes rather cruel ones to force me to just mingle with more than just my two close if not best friends, they even sent me to the State psychology department to see if I didn’t have a mental or emotional issue (the shrinks never quite got why I got sent there in the first place as thankfully they understand that being introverted is not a big deal). And now I’m seeing that I’m probably going to hit the same road as my mom did, trying to explain that there is nothing wrong being reserved to a bunch of people that think extroversion is the only way…sigh!
Beside they blame language on it all, but I noticed on several occasion that if Ishita WANTS to play with another kid at the playground (and yes it happens from time to time) she doesn’t let language barrier stop her, and she definitely show no sign of being shy in approaching another kid, she just socialise on her terms, like her INFJ of a mother does, the other kids don’t seem to mind the fact she is not talking any language they understand either, so it’s definitely not another toddler making her feel bad about the lack of English that make her stay away from other kids. Beside it doesn’t even compute with the rest of the assessment made b the teacher saying she was active, eager to try things, and dances. If she is eager make signs on the nursery rhymes the teacher sing, and such, that clearly doesn’t mean she is shy. But a lot of people make the common mistake of thinking introversion is actually a synonym of shyness.
And my reason for not believing one moment that language is the issue in her alleged lack of social interaction is that in general she is a go getter and doer, she doesn’t speak much at home either, simply because she wants to DO things, not ask for them to be done, so as long as the word isn’t a necessity she will not say it. She likes to watch the word around her, and process the visual cues quietly before trying to do them herself, and for a 2.5 year old child she is actually pretty clear on what she wants to do, to the point of being stubborn. So in pretty much the same way she will not eat if she isn’t hungry, she won’t go play with another child simply because someone else said it was the proper behaviour. And if my paediatrician said forcing a child that young to eat when they aren’t hungry can have some serious repercussion on emotional development, then why should be forcing a child to interact non stop with peers have any benefit I ask you.
I hope that one day, the world will cease to see us introverts as weirdoes and just acknowledge that maybe just because we aren’t a big majority we aren’t abnormal, and that we can’t all possibly perform best in group activities.
I’ve been reminded of this this weekend as my daughter’s school was holding a parent-teacher meeting one on one. During that meeting I was handed a sheet detailing the progress Ishita made in several areas of development, her motor skills, fine and gross are all fine and heavily developed, no big surprise here, but her language skills are for the most part all rated as “in developing stage” , the teacher blame it on the fact I don’t speak English home and urged me to do so, but that would be a different topic all together, though maybe not quite. The other thing that is not yet developed are her social skills, if we go by the assessment made by the teachers.
And that one I asked to have a little clarification about.
The teachers said that Ishita was keeping to herself, and not really playing with the other kids often. Hearing this I asked if there was a reason, they claimed it was the language barrier but to me it doesn’t compute, so I asked if the other kids were mean to her, or if she was scared and shy around them, to which they replied “No she is pretty much happy and content to be on her own” to which I replied that it was ok then. But apparently no, they urged me to have her socialise more outside school by taking her to the playground and strongly encourage her to play with other kiddos as they still feel it’s the lack of English that is making her keep to herself.
By then I knew better than argue, they made up their mind, keeping to oneself is a flaw, and it needs to be corrected. or maybe I should have voiced the fact that I the mother am a notorious introvert, that yes social gathering drain energy out of me, and that without solitude on a daily basis I go neurotic, aggressive and snap at anything.
The fact remains that 30+ years later people still think kids HAVE TO interact with their peer all the time, that keeping to oneself is not a normal behaviour, never mind that the child in question is HAPPY to be in their own little world. My mom spent years trying to explain it to my own teachers, who went to all kind of lengths sometimes rather cruel ones to force me to just mingle with more than just my two close if not best friends, they even sent me to the State psychology department to see if I didn’t have a mental or emotional issue (the shrinks never quite got why I got sent there in the first place as thankfully they understand that being introverted is not a big deal). And now I’m seeing that I’m probably going to hit the same road as my mom did, trying to explain that there is nothing wrong being reserved to a bunch of people that think extroversion is the only way…sigh!
Beside they blame language on it all, but I noticed on several occasion that if Ishita WANTS to play with another kid at the playground (and yes it happens from time to time) she doesn’t let language barrier stop her, and she definitely show no sign of being shy in approaching another kid, she just socialise on her terms, like her INFJ of a mother does, the other kids don’t seem to mind the fact she is not talking any language they understand either, so it’s definitely not another toddler making her feel bad about the lack of English that make her stay away from other kids. Beside it doesn’t even compute with the rest of the assessment made b the teacher saying she was active, eager to try things, and dances. If she is eager make signs on the nursery rhymes the teacher sing, and such, that clearly doesn’t mean she is shy. But a lot of people make the common mistake of thinking introversion is actually a synonym of shyness.
And my reason for not believing one moment that language is the issue in her alleged lack of social interaction is that in general she is a go getter and doer, she doesn’t speak much at home either, simply because she wants to DO things, not ask for them to be done, so as long as the word isn’t a necessity she will not say it. She likes to watch the word around her, and process the visual cues quietly before trying to do them herself, and for a 2.5 year old child she is actually pretty clear on what she wants to do, to the point of being stubborn. So in pretty much the same way she will not eat if she isn’t hungry, she won’t go play with another child simply because someone else said it was the proper behaviour. And if my paediatrician said forcing a child that young to eat when they aren’t hungry can have some serious repercussion on emotional development, then why should be forcing a child to interact non stop with peers have any benefit I ask you.
I hope that one day, the world will cease to see us introverts as weirdoes and just acknowledge that maybe just because we aren’t a big majority we aren’t abnormal, and that we can’t all possibly perform best in group activities.