Stay in power

12:21 PM

I mentioned it in passing in some comments, my dad in his working year was a jail officer, which in Geneva is attached to the police corps. And my dad never kept it a secret where he worked, my sister and I were fully aware our dad was the one keeping the bad guys behind bars.
And of course we asked questions, what is a murderer like, what did the guy do to go in jail, what is considered a crime, our dad never shied away from telling us bout it. His reasoning was simple, he might have bad guys locked up in his work place, but there are more that roam free, and he believed in the fact that good information and education about it was the key to keep us safe.
Part of his regular training session was self defence, and how to tackle an aggressor, you never know when things can go nasty even a jail house and the staff has to be ready, another part was to have a psychiatrist specialized in profiling criminal behaviour give them a few pointers as to what to expect from what kind of offender.
Information my dad shared with us freely. See he had two girls at home, and at work a significant amount of child molesters, sex offenders and rapists behind bars. And he knew that it is not the woman’s fault in the case of an attack, most of these molesters are serious psycho, and telling a girl to dress conservatively or simply stay inside is ridiculous, these men are predators, they will go after anything feminine regardless of the outfit or the time of day.
The reason? Most rapist have very little interest in the pleasure aspect of the sexual act itself, they get their pleasure rush from being in CONTROL. This is the reason why some lurk in dark isolated corner, but the truth is they simply prey on vulnerability, they are deep down sadistic cowards.
My dad told us that after a seminar at work on sex offenders behaviour, I got the same from a self defence class in school (yes they teach you that in some schools back home). My Dad again showed us some more self defence at home. He wanted us to be world ready, not fearful of the outside simply because we lacked a penis.
And in fact contrary to what people may think, self defence moves aren’t requiring that much strength, in fact many are so simple and easy to apply. The key is to know what as a woman your number one weapon and super power is:


Sex predators thrive on being in control, control is what makes them feel good and where their rush come from. A woman in fear has given away her control and strength and they love that. Show an ounce of assertiveness and they are likely to be unsettled giving you the opportunity to strike, and make your escape to safety quick.
As my dad pointed out, the first thing a woman should do is walk in a confident assertive manner. That means heads up, back straight and fast confident stride, this alone is enough to make a predator think twice about making a jump for it. Secondly, NEVER EVER let down your guard walking around, no matter how familiar the area is or how well lit it is, be assertive and AWARE of your surrounding. Stay in control at all time, if needed to give you a boost of strength in a less desirable area, repeat to yourself “I am a strong powerful woman, I am in control, I can face anything” that alone should do the trick to infuse confidence in your walk. My dad also advised us to always carry a weapon when walking in alone especially at night, the weapon doesn’t have to be sophisticated, heck you don’t even need a pepper spray, just carry a fork in your purse and take it in your hand when returning home from a party alone, or use your keys secured between the fingers of your fist, or a cigarette lighter (and yes it saved my sister’s life..more on that later).
If cornered (yes that can still happened), my dad’s and school people advice was to not give in to panic or fear, avoid screaming, chances are no one will be around to hear in some cases, what it does is fuel your aggressor’s thirst for power, before giving in to scream for help you need to unsettle the guy, so keep tall straight and confident, and study the situation carefully, not giving in to panic is also giving you the edge of clear thinking so you can make your striking move. The key when you are cornered is not to defeat your aggressor, just unsettle him long enough to make your run to safety and go ask for help. This is the time you get to use the self defence trick you learned (ladies I urge you to get a class or two to learn the basics wherever you are), the good old kick in the groin works, but be aware all you need to do enough harm to a man is your two thumbs directed at his eyes, the direct assault will not only unsettle him in his power trip, it can also do maximum damage with minimal strength, scooping the eye out with the thumbs is within the grasp of any lady well built or not, and the pressure on eye ball will be excruciating for your aggressor before you blinded him, enough for him to release his grasp on you and for you to run away (adrenaline in such situation is likely to give you an Olympic athlete worthy speed).
The tiny area of the face right between the nose and upper lip is another strike point, you can affect someone’s balance just by pushing your index finger against it, and if you strike assertively with the base of your palm against it topple a man back…I didn’t believe it until my dad demonstrated it on me, and one of his male friend, having been on the receiving end of the strike, I can tell you it’s not painful, but utterly unsettling, you can fight it, but you will fall down just the same. All these moves aren’t just easy, and quick, they also are not the kind of response your typical psycho will expect from a prey. he will expect scratching, screaming, feeble kicks and disordered punches and struggle….never ever give them the struggling act, don’t let them see you as a struggling victim, at this point they have given in to animal instincts, so outsmart them.
Now back to my cigarette lighter thing. A few years back my sister was walking back home after a night out, the bus stand is significantly away from her home, and the street pretty deserted at night, but she remembered my dad’s tips (we were fed them weeks after weeks growing up), she was alert, had a weapon in her hand (lighter) and walked a confident pace. She got attacked from behind the attacker must have sensed the assertiveness and wanted his control back using the element of surprise. He sprang out of a bylane pulling her by the hair. My sister while taken by surprised didn’t shout or struggle, she waited for her strike, he started feeling and touching her, when she realised he was wearing a nylon stocking on his face, suddenly knowing in a split second where to apply the lighter’s flame for maximum damage…and yup she burnt his face, the nylon sticking melted making the pain that much worse, the guy collapsed on the ground screaming “You Bitch” and she ran away not even turning back to see what he looked like, she made it home safe, called the police immediately, but the guy was nowhere to be seen, his loosing control over the situation probably caused him to go and hide, they never caught the guy though, but what possibly saved my sister’s life was her assertiveness. Yes she was scared, yes she shattered once home and safe, yes she went through post traumatic shock. But her refusing to let her control go made her go away, and she at no point went under the guilt trip of having asked for it, or having been foolish being out at night.

Because as my dad pointed, women have the same rights as men, have strength too, have power too and they should never under any circumstance think they are inferior and that a rapist came at them because they “asked for it” a man that is going at a woman like this is a coward and psycho, he is the one at fault, he is the one who should be blamed for being an ass and not being in charge of his wee wee.
Even the lame whistler and butt gropers are guys seeking to have attention from women. If as a woman you don’t give them that privilege of being in control, they’ll move on. Ignore the whistle (yes I know they are embarrassing and we all want to avoid them), give a meaningful punch to a groper if possible and walk away. And remember that when women live in fear of just going for a walk, or do so with their head down and hunched shoulder you are giving the men the impression they are indeed above you and therefore in power.
I am writing this because India is plagued with eve teasers and rapist, and women who are still feeling helpless, torn with being modern ladies and have a life and traditions telling them that what they wear and where they go is what makes them vulnerable.
It’s changing, the next generation of girls is growing more assertive, but to really change things, every women regardless of their age should get their sense of pride and power back. No ladies, you aren’t weak, you are STRONG, heck those of you who went through childbirth already should know! I’ve never been in a most physically demanding thing in my life, even my husband was amazed at how painful it seemed to be and how women just can do it. So if your private parts can expand enough to let a baby out where at first you thought a tampon would never fit…kicking a man in the nut for just crossing a line with you should really not be an issue at all.

just remember to STAY IN CONTROL, BE IN CONTROL repeat it to yourself a million time a day and in front of your mirror every morning if you must.


  1. summerday2:53 PM

    This is awesome! I agree with you completely on all the points you have mentioned.. it is sick that in India (and most other places, to a varying degree) we blame the victim for something completely not their fault and condone these psychos. All women need to read this and know that they need to be in control. Simply awesome! I'm forwarding to all my women. Thank you.

  2. Thank you!
    I really hope more women get their power back and be strong, this is the best way to fight crimes against women in this coutry.

  3. Good post. However as much as I do like selfdefence and martial arts courses, they alone cannot be the solution to the problem. A one time course may or may not give a woman the assertiveness to protect herself, alot of it is training reflexes and that takes years imho. Plus some women might be like me, assaulted by a guy and actually some people looking on I couldnt scream or anything because the thoughts"this cannot be real this cant just be happening" were racing through my brain. In the end I was lucky I hadnt closed my jacket and managed to escape with him holding just my jacket in his hands. But I dont think whistlers or molesters want attention, I think they do it in crowded situations because they can get away it. If the place is crammed how can you prove it was this guy and not another? And thats what they hide behind because they know they will not be called out.

  4. as a man, i found this entry were offensive. how would u feel if there was a man blog out there giving tutorials on how to stalk and overpower a wimmin in a dark alley.

  5. So you are in favour of women not knowing how to save their own life when attacked by a psycho? Or are you saying we should stay home and have no life...
    No rightous man should feel offended about that post, since they would not be the type to want to cause harm to a woman.

    If there was a blog out there giving tutorials on how to stalk and overpower a woman out there, and I am absolutely convinced there are some, then that would mean my own blog post is giving women a fair chance at survival out there and is not in vain.

    If you feel offended, well first of all I am sorry for the inconvenience caused to you...have you tried clicking the little "x" box in the right hand upper corner of your browser? If not, please do give it a try.

  6. Women definitely need to know how to protect themselves, especially in societies where men think they can beat women or abuse them any way they want. In countries like India where women are routinely abused and eve-teased, this becomes even more important. Men need to be taught that women are not in this world to be the target of men.

    And as for Man's comments, it just shows how immature he is. There's a HUGE difference between being attacked and being the attacker. Regardless, it's absolutely ridiculous to think that a woman should just sit there and allow herself to be attacked by a man simply because she's a woman. Women are not punching bags. We don't invite or deserve to be molested, raped or beaten just because we don't sleep with every man who looks at us.

  7. Exactly, and women should be empowered enough to feel they too have a right to have whatever life they want to have, and that women being weak is a myth, women aren't weak, women have the right to go out and be safe doing so. Unfortunately you can't rid the Earth of all sex morons and psychos, but you can definitely change a woman's attitude toward people that dishonour them, belittle them and make them feel like they are not in their rights to be outside their home.
    In 8.5 years in India, I have had only one case of lewd comment passed at me, in my street in broad day light, while walking my dog in my husbands super baggy sweat pants, and an equally baggy and shapeless hoodie jacket (so much for dressing provocatively invites eve teasing huh?) The guy had been stalking me on his bycicle the entire walk and in front of my own home gestured boobs on his chest saying "You have nice balls". I looked him square in the eye and on a loud assertive calm tone "Oh you want to come upstair and tell that to my husband? Or would you prefer to go discuss that at the police station down the street?" The guy pedalled away at high speed and out of hell.
    Sure I probably had a fair share of wooohooo and smack sounds made too, and I think at one point a truck load full of guys howling and throwing pebbles in my direction, but these guys do that back home, and what girls back home do in these instance of catcalling is to IGNORE, they are lame morons not worth even a glance, giving them a stare is acknowledging their existence and making them feel their little trick actually worked.


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