Sentences you never thought you'd say...Ever

10:10 AM

As you grow older, there are words, and expressions that creep in your vocabulary that you'd never thought would ever be a thing. Words get invented every year. And let's confess, if you like me belong to the later half of the Generation X you are the last that spent their childhood without a computer around and where the first bunch of kids who got to experience home PCs being a thing.
Yet, if we were to travel back in time and tell our 90's self about iPads, smart phones, wifi, and selfies they would think they tripped on a seriously spiked drink.

But, this is not what this blog post would be about, because we can't predict new words of the future. This post is about the joy of being a parent. A parent that find themselves uttering sentences using words that already and truly exist in the present but make no sense, or sound just plain crazy.

Sound familiar? Here are some of the sentence I personally thought I would never have uttered until I became a mom :

"Stop peeing in the potted plants!" Yes, it happened and yes it was crazy...what can I say, the joy of potty training a toddler...

"The dog is not a step stool, get off her!" This might seem pretty obvious to a grown up. To a kid? Not so much.

"Why did you smear poop all over the bathroom walls?" Don't tell anybody, I am still feigning amnesia on that particular event.

"No you can't wear pink today, there is no pink on the Indian flag" You know, because toddlers don't care about Republic day the way nursery teachers do.

"This is broccoli, not Kryptonite!" And then, you immediately realise that Superman analogies are lost on your 3 years old who only really know about Snow White's poisoned apple.

"Why is there yogurt, maggots and cat pee in your Lego box?" No comments! NONE I am still suffering from PTSD.

"No, I will not buy another teddy bear. The one you have just broke my toe" This is crazy, but yes it happened, I broke my toe tripping over a stuffed teddy, and then while trying to not loose balance got my big toe tangled in my pants before I fell with all my weight on it breaking it neatly.

"Why is the cat having blue stripes?" It could have been purple, pink, green red or yellow it would still have sound as weird.

"How did a Nutella pancake end up under the chair cushion?" The answer is clearly because the pancake stopped being appealing in the 10 minutes gap between the request and it being served on a plate. And, being made to eat it is a crime against humanity anyway.

"I hurt myself going to bed because Thomas the steam engine beat me to it" On days the kitchen spatulas, forks, spoons or a handful of Legos didn't make it to bed...always check you bed for harmful things. When you go camping it is for snakes and scorpions. When you have kids it can be just about anything short of a nuclear bomb (hopefully).

"Crayon scribbles inside the toilet bowl? If that is not creative, I don't know what is." I assure you you read that right, you really did. No I did not make it up, I swear!

These are some of the most memorable lines over the years. I assure you I speak equally crazy sentences on a daily basis. So much so that 6 years into it, they disturbingly don't sound as crazy anymore. Talking about something normal on certain days would be the thing that would be considered weird.

So what are some of the crazy things that escape your lips after becoming a parent?

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  1. Hey Cynthia,

    It is my first time to your blog and it put a big smile on my face. Parents just don't make sense to little people or vice versa. How creative are kids, dogs used as steps, poo for painters, crayons to make the toilet bowl seem pretty. You have an artist in the making. Great entertain post. Thanks.


    1. Thanks for taking the time to comment on my blog :-)
      I am glad it put a smile on your face. I was thinking about writing this blog post list night after going down memory lane. As crazy as the pop on the walls drove me when it actually happened, I am now laughing it off. It makes for good old crazy memories.

      I definitely have a budding artist over here. The Apple didn't fall far from the tree :-)

      Keep on reading.

  2. Anonymous11:22 AM

    It is not what you speak but what you see that is weird. Who can think that pots and pans could serve as an orchestra or that you can play around with the vegetable trolley bag or wheeled suitcases. Children are always exploring and think of things which are beyond our imagination. They have a fertile imagination.

    My son was hyperactive in his childhood which meant that he was never quiet. For a very long time he was fond of playing with the car or arranging things in a pattern. It used to scare me because these children are pattern loving. They like doing something repeatedly like going around in circles, looking at the moving wheel of car etc. Since he was hyperactive we kind of missed out on all his childhood antics. Everything was like a blur. After therapy he has developed different interests.

    Now, he does more boyish naughty things. I just love when he jumps and throws something. It is reassuring that he is like other children. He is jut like any other child, plus his speech disability. Hard on him but the little guy is coping with it. We perhaps have a unique challenge compared to most people. Who knows it is learning experience.

    He is a little allergic to me since I often wrestle with him. He cannot physically overwhelm me like he does to his mother. Men are a little more physical with children than women. However, when it is time to go out he knows daddy can be trusted. He is close to mother and it funny how he tries to please her once she gets totally fed up with his antics and yells at him. It is his cute way of saying I am sorry. Though gestures and a few words which he has learnt. Naturally, it melts his mother's heart. Lately, he has started carrying his toys with him whenever we go out in the car. He figured out that he can take his 'friends' on a ride which was not possible in a scooty.

    BTW, Ishita is unusually naughty for a girl. Girls are traditionally considered to be quiet but I guess this generation is different.


    1. I think the whole girls are quiet is a cultural stereotypes, not just in India but in Europe too. There is that idea that a girl has to act a certain way to be considered "Ladylike" or of "Good family" or "feminine". For some reason this is always associated with being quiet, demure, a good dresser, a gentle listener and carer.
      What I noticed however is that in families where girls aren't told they must behave a certain way to be considered a girl, they act pretty much the same way a boy would with for only difference that girls usually are more vocal than physical when it comes to sorting out conflicts. I saw it play in school and now in play dates with Ishita. Girls will act as mean as boys if they want to, but they will use words as a weapons far more than they will use punches and kicks.

      Other than that, they climb trees, get down and dirty, and have the same crazy imaginative skills as boys, and will get in as much trouble as boys too :-)

      I think the whole generation thing is also true, our generation of parents is far less likely than our own parents to say that boys and girls should do or act according to their genders. Well In India I'd say girls are breaking the stereotype more than boys. Girls can now play with trucks and transformer toys and not be told they are unladylike, but boys playing with a doll a kitchen set seem to still make people cringe in India while in Europe parents are really starting to see it as less of a big deal than it once was.

    2. Anonymous1:06 PM

      It is not just cultural but how girls and boys minds are wired. Girls observe and react, boys react anyway. You can see it in parks where boys are just jumping around while a girl silently observes the proceedings, inquire, ask intelligent and potent questions and then start to interact with the children. This I guess because the rate of physical and mental maturity is higher than boys. They grow at an astonishing rate till teenage while boys just lumber along. Then, the start growing taller with facial hair. This is probably because nature is probably preparing the female for procreation which in itself is a very complicated and traumatic experience for women. You need a strong body to go thorough the vigour of pregnancy and child birth.

      I have often felt that women are like towns because just like in a town there is lot of hustle and bustle, a lot happens to women both physically and emotionally or like strong forts with guns, protecting the inhabitants inside or like huge machines where every part is slowly moving with perfect precision. Not an individual but a universe in itself. As you see my imagination is fertile.


    3. My father was before he retired a prison officer for 30 years of active service. As a man, he was obviously assigned to the men's quarter. female officers deal with the female inmates quarter.

      He always said, and many of his colleague both men and women said that the dirtiest, bloodiest and nastiest of all inmate fight occurred I. The ladies detention block. The fight can drag verbally for weeks and then break into a physical fight that will end up with someone getting seriously hurt. Breaking any of such fights usually required twice the amount of staff it would on any of the men's levels. Because all staff pointed out, once a woman gets physician she has been pushed so far she is just about ready for the kill. A woman doesn't hit to gain supremacy or show her strength, she hits because she has no other options left. This make them superbly dangerous.

      Another thing that apparently happened every time was that in a woman's feud, other female inmates would offer back up as long as the verbal fight was on. The moment the fists and punches were out, it was the two fighters alone, with nobody wanting to get involved. On the men's block, a fight would get physical almost immediately but with the intention to intimidate, and if it got too dirty other inmates would jump in to attempt to break it. Making the job of the officers a bit easier.mand usually no one injured.

      As a woman myself. I will tell you that I am not surprised one bit by that tale. Even in schools, it is a known fact that when girls start fighting they go for complete eradication of their enemy. I got bullied a lot as a kid, targets of various "Queen bees" wanting to show their "worth" to their cohorts. Geeks and book nerds have been their fodder not just in work of fictions. The verbal assault is off the chart, so is the humiliation and most teachers don't recognise it because girls are superbly subtle, as I said females are wired fo communication. They are master at innuendos, speech figures and how to communicate something, anything efficiently.
      Once, when I was 13, one of these girls went as far as taunting me and spitting on me to make me break. And I broke. I launched on her like a wild tigress, grabbing a huge chunk of her long hair and pulled...pulled hard and steady. It made her cry in pain, her female groupies stayed far away pretending nothing was happening, her boy toys tried to come to her rescue and attempted breaking it. With each step they took closer I pulled harder. That is when our Latin professor arrived and he managed to break it. He wanted us both to go the principal for detention. I agreed immediately, I knew what I did was wrong and was just about ready to face the consequences. My bully broke into tears and collapsed saying that she could never face it and her parents would be mad. She KNEW she had been as wrong as I was, but unlike me who acted out of desperation after being spat on and taunted for months, she was the instigator, and our head teacher even had a record as I did go to her to complain before it became physical.

      The point being that when I attacked her, I was pissed, at the end of my rope, and I didn't even want to humiliate her and put her back in her place. I wanted her to STOP if that meant tearing half her scalp off her head, in the heat of the moment it didn't even matter. This how girl fights are, and there is a good reason why they are reffered to as cat fights in common English slang. Because if you watch cats fighting, this is exactly how it looks.

      And girls in the park who haven't been told that girls sit quietly and stay clean climb trees and get down an dirty as immediately as boys do trust me :-)

    4. Anonymous3:44 PM

      With men, it atleast comes out once an for all and then there may be a chance of truce. With women it lingers on and on as you said females are masters of covert communication. It vitiates the atmosphere for a very long time. Cold war is infinitely more dangerous than hot war. When this happens in a house, it is not pleasant at all.


    5. This is exactly that! men will fight, make their point and move on, plain and simple. No such chance of this happening between two women fighting. It will be as you said a Cold War that will drag for a long time and make more damage.

    6. Anonymous9:38 AM

      No offence, but I am often amazed at the indirect communication of women. How do they manage to ignore one particular person while being cordial to others thus making their point " I don't like you". This happens mostly among women. Like a military sniper who lies low, braving the weather, waiting for the appropriate time to shoot the target. Women are used to this waiting game but it takes its toll on others. Wherever it happens either in office or home it makes the atmosphere toxic. It is neither healthy for the women nor for anyone else. I know socially it is not possible but women must find ways to express their feelings.


    7. I remember reading somewhere that it has something to do with evolution. Women weren't the one going on hunts, they stayed at the cave, camp or whatever and could be living in a female only community with kids only for days. While men were out hunting a single target (large animal for dinner). Women had all their senses on alert for intruders, danger, and anything that would signal the need to react. As a result a woman's brain evolved in such a way that they can read and interpret very very subtle changes in their immediate environment far quicker than men.

      Which is probably why women get the hidden message behind a spoken sentence while men don't. That is because at a neurological level things like body language, change in tone, change of colours and smells are all any liked quickly. The crazy part is that they might not even be fully aware they are doing it. This is this whole "intuition" thing, which is in scientific a terms the way a mind process a flux of information. Women are sharper there of course.

      Interesting that women are far better equipped at sensing hidden threats and dangerous situation and react to it Quicker than men but are still considered the weaker gender. If pushed to the point of being physically agressive woman is also far more lethal than a man from what I read and learnt. I believe it, as I told you cat fights between women are nasty.


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